William
"I have never been so excited about life before. Now I think [experiencing depression] was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a catalyst for personal growth."
William experienced a deep depression that started in June 2008 when he was in the UK. What began with the expectation of a big, exciting OE soon turned into a period of loneliness and stress. He initially put his feelings down to home sickness before realising that he was displaying signs of something that went much deeper.
"The first thing I noticed was insomnia. I'd go to sleep at 10 o'clock and be wide awake at 2 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Then I suppose it was extreme anxiety and suffering signs of sleep deprivation," he recalls.
William lost 10kg and struggled to perform at work. By December he had realised he was experiencing depression and returned to New Zealand.
"I think the biggest challenge was admitting to myself there was something wrong," he says.
What made this so difficult for William was the idea of what it means to be a typical Kiwi male: "We live in a country where the male ideal is being the 'strong silent type'. You want to be one of the All Blacks from the moment you get off the breast. The macho archetype actually is totally antiquated and mythical but it makes it hard to admit that you are in pain. A good friend told me to ‘snap out of it' but you can't flick a switch and just cheer up."
This image of the typical Kiwi male, according to William, even exists overseas and people in the UK expected him to conform to type and be cheerful.
Recovery process included joining a men's group
However, William finally accepted that he was experiencing depression and looked into getting help. He views antidepressants as useful but not a long-term solution for depression and says working with a personal development facilitator had the greatest impact for him in terms of recovery.
"My friends and family were great, too, but they are emotionally connected to me, whereas a counsellor doesn't have that attachment to you and your history and is able to be more objective. Mum and Dad, though, were a strong and safe lifeline when I was in the UK."
As part of this recovery process, William attended a men's group.
"It was extremely beneficial. Most of the guys there were high achievers, professional types but somewhere along the line the wheels had come off."
William explains that at this workshop, the participants felt free to express themselves. "One guy described it as ‘a container of safety'; I was deeply moved by the workshop."
This workshop and the personal development helped William to get in touch with his spiritual side, and develop a sense of autonomy. He says that while this route could be financially challenging for some, helplines can be another place to turn.
William would advise anyone who knows or believes they know of someone who is experiencing depression to just be supportive and help them to get the help they need. However, he warns not to push them, eg, into participating in social events, if they aren't interested, as he says this can increase feelings of vulnerability.
Looking forward to a bright future
William remains optimistic for the future.
"I feel positive, excited. I just try to enjoy every day as it comes, but I have long and short term goals, too. I have never been so excited about life before. Now I think [experiencing depression] was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a catalyst for personal growth. Not only did it become apparent to me that I would get through it, but also that I was going to live a lot better, with more of a connection to my soul. It's hard for young men in this country to get in touch with emotions, but it's very important to be emotionally self-aware."
