Grant

Grant Cooper believes that depression will always be a part of his life, but says he now has ‘real dreams' to look forward to.

Grant was diagnosed with chronic, long-term, low grade depression after he finished university, but he says looking back, there were earlier signs.

"Although I did well at school, there were underlying things that were never addressed. People don't tend to look beyond the surface.

"Everyone thinks that depression is when you feel really sad, but I just had a feeling of numbness, and no sense of a future.

"I had studied economics at university, but had no excitement about the future. I felt lethargic, and didn't feel any ambition at all."

Since being diagnosed, Grant has tried a range of treatments, such as counselling, psychotherapy, and medication.

He says the results have been good - his self esteem has greatly improved, he has dreams and visions of the future, and views the future with excitement.

"Having my first real dreams - a house by the sea, being married with children and having a dog - was a breakthrough, as I was actually looking forward to something."

Grant feels his depression is a mixture of genetic factors (he has a family history of depression), and factors in the community.

"There is a lack of awareness about depression in the community, even by professionals such as doctors. Often depression and its signs are not recognised."

Grant is a mental health promoter for the Like Minds, Like Mine programme in Christchurch, which works to counter stigma and discrimination aboutmental illness in the community. He says one of the challenges is the view that someone with depression must always look depressed.

"Because people can hide it well, others can lack understanding."

Grant says he still has bad times; "At times I still have that numbness and nothingness. It's not about getting rid of it, it's about taming the ‘black dog'.

"When I was really bad, I slept a lot. Sleeping was my refuge, but I found the more I slept, the more lethargic I felt.

"On really bad days it's about taking baby steps. The first step is sometimes making a cup of tea, and concentrating on achieving that - just taking one achievement at a time. You don't have to try to do everything."

"It's important to learn how to work things through - I have realised the only person that has the answers is me."

Grant says the best thing people can do when someone is depressed is just to be there.

"It's about acknowledging depression rather than trying to fix it, and understanding what someone is going through.

"What's helped me is understanding friends and family, who have stood by me throughout, and who will just be there, rather than trying to solve things. People need support rather than mothering."

"If you have depression, don't be too hard on yourself, you are not the illness. If there are things you enjoy, for goodness sake do them as much as you can."

"Take the pressure off yourself, and give yourself some time."

The Depression Support Network has a saying that Grant feels sums up depression well: "It's not about waiting for the storm clouds to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."