Gabby

"I think of it as a re-beginning - I'm on a new journey."

Gabby says the worst thing about her depression was hiding it from her family and friends. She was always a happy outgoing personality, but after suffering a miscarriage, finding out her partner was unfaithful, and watching her parents' marriage break up, Gabby eventually crashed.

"In our family it's very much get up and walk no matter what," she says. "But I got to the point where I couldn't walk anymore. For a couple of years everything seemed to be a loss - it was loss, after loss, after loss and I went down."

The eldest of her siblings, Gabby had been putting on a brave face to support her family, and says she was ashamed and didn't want to admit that she had a problem.

"I'm normally a bubbly person but I couldn't be bothered seeing anyone, getting close to anyone or meeting new people. I was constantly crying - even about happy things. It took me about three years and a suicide attempt to realise something was wrong."

"I just felt black - like a black shadow was hanging over me. I couldn't feel anything, and couldn't relax anymore because of all the negative thoughts."

Gabby says the final breaking point came at home one day when felt she couldn't cope any longer.

"I locked myself in my nephew's room and just started throwing things. I yelled out to my Mum that I needed help, and that I couldn't do it anymore and wasn't going to lie to myself or my loved ones anymore."

Gabby's Mum arranged for a friend of hers who worked for a local iwi provider to come and see Gabby, "just for a chat". Gabby says she let it all out, and felt like a huge weight had lifted off her shoulders. Together they went to a GP, where Gabby was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication.

Although she still has hard days, Gabby now has things in place to help. After trying several different types of antidepressants, she is now happy with her medication, and she also does a lot of walking which she finds is a big stress relief. She has had counselling, and has support from her whanau, especially from her Mum.

When she has really bad days and has stresses at home, Gabby has a "haven" at her cousin's home, where she can go and have some time out. She says the combination of these treatments means she has managed to stay out of hospital.

"I have a good support group and I'm in constant communication with iwi support," she says.

"I think of it as a re-beginning - I'm on a new journey."