We can do more than survive, we can flourish

By Steve Carter, Mental Health Promoter, Mental Health Foundation

Few Cantabrians will have failed to be moved on reading John McCone’s article (The Quake’s Long Term Toll – Press 5/11). As with much of the best writing it holds a mirror up to our own experiences, giving me permission to admit that I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My long term relationship has ended and some of my closest friends are no longer here, having fled in the face of the disaster. There are days when I feel alone and adrift in the face of an overwhelming and continuing event sequence.

The truth is that none of us can answer the complex range of questions we face. We instinctively know that this is the case and feel the need to relinquish some sense of control but we are not sure how or when this might be possible.

One response is to focus increased attention on our work, as if that might keep the wolf from the door, but even then we risk “hitting the wall” and facing the inevitability of the ‘disillusionment phase’.

I have spent this year reflecting on the veracity of the work I do at the Mental Health Foundation. Mental Health Promotion is not a service response to individual mental illness or distress but takes a wider approach that embraces all the things that support mental health and wellbeing for all members of society. To establish the difference between the two, we assert the use of the word ‘flourishing’. A concept borne out of the positive psychology movement, flourishing is a state where people experience positive emotional affect, positive psychological and social functioning most of the time. When someone is flourishing they feel good and they function well.

Even without the presence of specific diagnosable symptoms, it is clear that the opposite is emerging across Canterbury right now. At the heart of the disillusionment phase is a mental malaise, characterised by tiredness, de-motivation, emotional emptiness. Don Elder captured it perfectly: “I was no longer thinking clearly, performing well in my job or functioning usefully for those around me.”

Flourishing is not just a measure of happiness or life satisfaction or positive thinking. It accounts for the harder aspects of life – grief, anger, frustration – and indeed incorporates them as a necessary part of a broader understanding of psychological and emotional functioning. Could a focus on flourishing be one answer to the phase into which we are moving? Professor Margaret Barry of the World Health Organisation Collaborating Centre for Health Promotion Research might well say so. She has said that “positive mental health is a key asset and resource for population wellbeing and the long-term social and economic prosperity of society”.

The Mental Health Foundation advocates for the use of the ‘5 Ways To Wellbeing,’ an evidence-based framework for the development of positive mental health at population levels. Our work across New Zealand builds upon work done for the UK Government by the New Economics Foundation (NEF), which aimed to develop a ‘mental health equivalent’ of the established five plus a day fruit and vegetables campaign. The project gathered together the results of an international meta-analysis of multi-disciplinary studies to offer a simple and effective set of messages to support the development of positive mental health and wellbeing. They are messages that everybody can relate to: Connect, Take Notice, Keep Learning, Give, Be Active.

The earthquake sequence gives us a unique insight into the effectiveness of strategies such as these. We know that, in the year since September 4, evidence of trauma, including PTSD, depression and other psycho-social impacts have not reached the peaks that were immediately expected. Indeed, it is of enormous significance that statistics from the Office of The Coroner show a reduction in the levels of deaths by suicide in Canterbury over that period.

Of course, the debate will continue about the exact reasons for this, but it is not unreasonable to suggest that what we have seen within our families and our neighbourhoods and communities over the last year strongly echoes the scientific evidence placed before us by the NEF framework. There have been huge outpourings of giving and voluntarism in response to the quakes; people are connected more strongly through shared experience; we are learning new things about ourselves and the world around us all the time; we are all out there, putting in the hard yards; and, at the heart of it all, we are thrown into a situation where, day-to-day, gratitude for small mercies and glimmers of hope for the future may well be the most profound and simple things that prevent us from crumbling.

But as the phase shifts into disillusionment and recognition of the daunting journey ahead, this work can not rest on immediate resilience-building. Questions have to be asked about the maintenance of fortitude among the people of this city. It has been suggested that suicide levels will return to their pre-quake levels once things “return to normal”. Are we really going to accept that as inevitable? What kind of “normal” is that? We are told that the disillusionment phase is “to be expected”. Will we just allow ourselves to capitulate, to accept that we are powerless in all this?

I would not be so glib as to suggest this is an easy task, a simple matter of imagining it all away. I have days when getting out of bed is a struggle. We have seen many heroes over the last year, but it is certain that each one of them will have a point where they need to attend to their mental health needs or risk breaking.

Whilst a focus on our own wellbeing can be empowering and cathartic, there are also broader responsibilities. At population levels, we must engineer situations to enable people to access these tools for themselves. How do employers recognise and support the mental health needs of all their staff? How are our educators assessing and responding to the psycho-social needs of children and their families? How much importance will be placed on mental health and wellbeing when strategic decisions are made regarding the rebuild?

This isn’t just about the immediate aftermath. We have survived this far and we can feel proud of that. It’s not even about negotiating the tricky emotional waters of the disillusionment phase we are told is to come. We actually have a unique opportunity to leave a legacy for the future generations that will live, work and play here. We have the power to define a “new normal”. Is it really so foolish to believe that we can make Christchurch a flourishing city?

The above was originally published in The Press on 21 November

Connection, community and flourishing in a gay man's world

By Ivan Yeo, Mental Health Promoter, Mental Health Foundation
 

Connecting with others is one of the five ways to wellbeing, and when done right, it’s guaranteed to help you flourish.
 

As a gay man living in New Zealand in 2011, you might think that making connections with other gay men is easy.  It’s no longer illegal to be gay, couples can enter into civil unions, and there are human rights laws which protect against discrimination.

 

None of this changes the fact that as a gay man, you are born into a heterosexual world.  You discover who you are in stages, and much of this discovery can be negatives rather than positives – how you don’t feel like you fit in, how you don’t feel you can relate to the male/female images around you.

 

Your feelings and identity are your own, and to not see those reflected around you can make you feel invisible, ashamed and isolated.

 

Coming to New Zealand from Malaysia, where you can be put in jail for up to 20 years for being gay, was a whole new world for me. Having the support of people who know about the coming out process can be extremely helpful to those who are finding their own identity and sharing it with the world.

Lucky to connect in the rainbow community

 

When I first stepped into the rainbow community, I was lucky to connect with some friends who guided me through the process of coming out to my parents and accepting my own sexual orientation. The importance of this guidance and support is immeasurable. They provided me with so much wisdom, and a shoulder to cry on when everything seemed to be too much.

 

Sometimes all you need is some reassurance, especially when you’re still finding your own feet.  It wasn’t easy at first, but nowadays I am very comfortable about my sexual orientation, and realised through meeting other gay men, and gay couples, that it was possible for me to live a happy, open life with a man I loved.

 

These men were like mentors to me, and not everyone is lucky enough to have them.

 

Up until 1985, it was illegal to be gay in New Zealand as well.  Many of the gay men I have met lived through that time, and I wondered what it was that helped them stay connected with each other and flourish with the constant threat of discrimination, harassment or imprisonment.

 

In late 2010, I attended OUTLine’s Rainbow Conference and throughout the three day conference, one of the ideas that was discussed, and of particular interest to me, was mentorship.

 

While I was there, I met Ian MacEwan, who first came out in the 1970s.  Now executive director of of DAPAANZ (Drugs and Alcohol Practitioners’ Association of Aotearoa), Ian gave me an insight into what it was like in those pre-law reform days.

 

Ian says that social circles flourished among gay men and helped to forge connections.  These provided men with a ready-made family for socialising and socialisation, in times when they may have been rejected by families of their own.

These groups were based around a variety of sectors including university, parliamentary service, politics, drag and liberal trades like social work, nursing, and medicine.

Theatre group brings solace

 

Ian’s solace was in a theatre group. Each Friday night, the group would meet at the Lounge Bar of the Royal Oak and on Sundays at Bruce Tidswell's in Mt Victoria for lunch. Consisting of up to 20 people at any one time, the group ranged in age from 16 to 66, encompassed all classes and was predominantly Maori and Pakeha.

 

Ian explained that the older you were, the more mana you held within the group and the older members were expected to look after the younger, newer ones. They taught them, comforted them, reconciled them to the unfaithfulness of lovers, protected them from the law, themselves and each other.

 

It was a family, mostly functional, occasionally not, hugely hilarious, amazingly protective and genuinely supportive.  Like any family, there could be jealousy, competition, and conflict, but the family remained united.  In a way it had to be this way – as homosexuality was still illegal, where else did you have to go?

 

The meaning of mentoring

 

Ian and I spoke at length about the meaning and purpose of mentoring and the role it plays in the formation of positive relationships and building resilience.

 

Forty years have now passed since Ian first came out and he feels that the mentoring he experienced is now a thing of the past because most new connections are made via the internet and are focussed on the individual and not on building and being part of a community.

 

What is/was community?  A loyal group of men that met regularly, loved and lost, supported each other, and taught its apprentices how to respect, how to behave, how to love and be loved.

 

For many people, especially young people, having a role model who they can look up to and learn from is an essential part of creating a flourishing life. It is through these types of meaningful and purposeful relationships that positive emotions are cultivated.

 

While laws may have changed and society’s acceptance become greater, gay men are still at high risk of suicide and mental illness.  Meaningful connections build resilience against these.  How can we help recreate and reinforce that sense of family and community?

Being Asian with a different sexual orientation

When I told my parents I was queer at age 14, I hardly knew of any other gay/lesbian/transgender/queer people. I knew of the Top Twins and Ellen DeGeneres, and I'm sure some other "rumoured to be gay", famous musicians or actors, but those were all TV and movie people. I didn't know of any queers in real life. I certainly didn't know of any queer Asian people.

Sixteen years later, having done some queer youth work and community development work, I know a good bunch of queer Asian people, and from discussing our sexualities and genders, it seems there are sometimes tensions between who we are as Asian people, and our sexualities and genders.   

While many Asian families are supportive of whomever their children, parents, grandchildren and cousins are, many gay, lesbian, transgender and queer Asians struggle with sharing our sexuality and gender, with our families.  

Some of this is the feared prejudice that might come from heterosexual family members, and some is fearing that we will bring shame to our families. There might also be the fear of rejection and conflict. 

For some queer Asian people, it is not such a big deal that our families don't know about our sexual orientation or gender identity. It may be that these topics are just not talked about in the culture of our families, even if we were straight!   

Whatever the reason, not feeling like we can, or want to tell our families about our sexual orientation or gender identity, has some kind of impact on the depth of relationships with our families, and our relationships and family ties can become weaker and thinner because of this.

There are many organisations and resources that are useful if you are gay, lesbian, transgender or queer. And also useful even if you arent, so that you can support someone close to you like a grandparent, child, grandchild, cousin or sibling.

Rainbow Youth and Outline are good places to start for information and resources.

Guest blogger – name withheld